Young Teen Relationships
The Pressure For Sex
SEX IS ALL AROUND US - in the clothes we buy, the music we listen to, and the movies we watch; and there is lots of
encouragement to look sexy and be hot. But having sex is a whole different world.
I was 12 and in 7th grade. I was a straight A student and had
a wonderful life - All the people in school knew I was a virgin and constantly teased me saying I was "A LITTLE GIRL." So I did it - I was no longer a virgin and felt sick to my stomach. After that I slept with four different guys because I felt so dirty.
I was 14 and he was 17 when I lost my virginity. A lot of my friends had been talking about how many guys they had had sex with, and I felt abnormal because I was still a virgin. I felt like I needed to have sex to prove to my friends that I was just as good as them.
I thought that doing things with guys was the only way to get people to like me because my friends had sex with guys and all of their older guy friends liked them. I just wanted to be part of the crowd.
I'm 13, and I gave it to him because I thought that's what couples were supposed to do. God was I stupid. He told all his friends about me, and then they all tried to get with me.
I am 14 years old with lots of regrets. When I was 12, just entering 7th grade, sex was beginning to be all around me. It was everywhere I turned, and I fell into the trap.
"Pressure" is the feeling that you are being pushed to do something, whether YOU really want to or not.
Pressure is often very hard to stand up to; but when you feel pressure, you need to step back and think about whether YOU would be doing this if the pressure wasn't there.
Sometimes being "selfish" and only thinking about yourself is a good thing. When doing something will affect YOU (possible pregnancy, STD's, lowered self worth, etc.), you need to be thinking about yourself and not the people around you.
He Wants Me To Have His Baby
Did you know that older guys often prey on younger girls with a very convincing line to get them to have sex? They say, "I love you so much that I want you to have our baby, and we'll be together forever." Do they mean it? NOT! It's just a line.
I got pregnant at 14 with my 17-year-old boyfriend. I am only in my 5th month, and he already left! We planned this! It was so hard to believe that he would do this.
I'm 13. My boyfriend said that if we did "it" we would be together forever. I fell for it and said, "Okey, let's do it then." Two days later he dumped me, and I've been crying ever since.
My boyfriend pressured me to have sex. Since I loved him, I did. Then I missed two periods. When I told him, he left me.
Everyone Wants To Feel Loved And Cared For
In fact, knowing that you're loved is an important part of your personal happiness. We all want to be loved by our families, friends, and, when in a relationship, by our boyfriend. And we will always remember our "first love."
However, first love is seldom the lasting, long-term love that will come later. It's important to remember that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And that's "kiss," not have sex with.
It would be great if every guy who said, "I love you," meant it for more than that moment or even a couple of weeks. But look around you, and you'll see for every "I love you" there's a breakup and/or a broken heart.
Having a good, long-term, lasting relationship takes time and really getting to know each other in areas like - personal values, lifetime goals, likes and dislikes, things in common, beliefs, character traits, etc. And a relationship based primarily upon sex isn't a relationship; it's just sex.
Bottom line is - Don't fall for the "I love you" line if the next step is, "So let's have sex."
What Part Of "NO" Don't You Understand?
We were 14 and I was in love with him. He asked me if I wanted to have sex and give him my virginity. I said no. He told me how great it was and that he'd never leave me, but I still said no. A few days later he broke up with me. Now I realize he was nothing but a jerk.
When I was 13 my boyfriend pressured me to have sex with him, and I really didn't want to. He said if I didn't then he'd leave me, so I left him first!
I was 13. He was trying to touch me all over. He told me he loved me, and I kept telling him no. I didn't have sex with him, and a few days later I heard that he had sex with his sister's friend. I am so glad I said no.
Remember - it's your choice... not your friend's and not your boyfriend's.
So You Think You Want A Baby?
Alicia - I'm 14 and I've been trying to convince my boyfriend to have a baby with me because they are so cute, like puppies and kittens, and a baby would love me unconditionally.
Kara - I was 14 years old when I became pregnant - When I found out I was happy. My mom didn't feel that way though. She made me get an abortion.
Before you make the decision to have a baby, you need to think about the impact that decision will have on you, your parents, your boyfriend, AND your baby.
You - Are you financially able to cover all the costs of pregnancy, delivery, and newborn medical care? Do you have insurance? How are you going to finish school (which is important to your future and your baby's)? Can you pay for all the material things a baby needs (crib, furniture, clothes, formula, diapers, etc.)? Are you prepared to not see and go out with your friends because you have to take care of your baby? Are you prepared to deal with an older "baby" - toddler, child, teen, for the next 20 years? Can you provide a loving and safe home for your baby?
Your Parents - What will their reaction be? Don't expect them to be happy. In the worse case scenario they could react like Kara's mom in the story above. Even though an abortion can't legally be performed without your consent, parents can put tremendous pressure on their pregnant daughters.
Your Boyfriend - Is he really ready to be a father? How is he going to be a father to his child and still finish school? How will HIS parents react? Will he cut and run in the end? Are you prepared to raise your child alone if he does?
Your Baby - Every child deserves to be born into a safe and loving environment with a mother and father who are emotionally and financially mature to provide for all of his/her needs for the next 20 years. Becoming a good parent means putting the welfare of your child first. Babies don't stay little very long, and raising a child to adulthood is the most important job you'll ever have. Can you give your child all this?